I had a ton of private messages and texts from readers who have gone through or are currently living with crippling anxiety. So, I wanted to dive a little deeper to share some of my story & steps I am continuing to take to control my anxiety & not let it control me!
Looking back over my life, I can now see times where my anxiety was bubbling under the surface. I just never recognized it as such. However, early September 2009 it all came apart. There was no 1 thing that happened ... it was just the perfect storm of several things all happening over a period of time .. and the dam broke!
I was driving my daughter (4, at the time) to her first day of preschool. I got maybe a mile down the road & had to pull over & call my mama. I just couldn't do it ... something I had done hundreds of times before ... take my kid to preschool ... it was too much! And this is where my long, anxious journey started.
For the next week ... I couldn't eat, I couldn't drive, I couldn't go to my office. I literally felt like a prisoner in my own body. After a full week, I decided I needed help. On a Sunday morning I called my mama & asked her to please take me to the doctor ... I was a complete basket case. I remember explaining to the doctor on call at the emergency room everything I was feeling & not caring 1 iota if I sounded crazy. I knew I needed help!
I'll never forget the sense of relief I felt when that doctor looked at me & said, "it sounds like you have an anxiety disorder." I knew in my mind that's what was happening to me, but to hear him say those words was a relief. ... which sounds weird, but it was a strange comfort to know there was a name for it & it could be treated. I had no idea the long road ahead of me ... I thought, "good! I'll just take medication & I'll be all better!" I'd love to tell you that's what immediately happened, but there was no quick fix ... it's been a very long road.
While everyone's story is different, my story has a lot of ups & downs. Thankfully, I am doing so much better now. I feel like I am a better version of my old self. I still have struggles every now and then, but I feel the best now that I've felt in years.
Here are a few things that have been helpful along my path:
* Don't be ashamed of the way you feel.
Don't try to hide what you are feeling. I told anyone who would listen what I was going through. I wasn't afraid to ask people to pray for my healing. And guess what .... they did! Not only that, it was amazing how many people told me they or someone they love had gone through the exact same thing. You are not alone!
* Find someone you can talk to!
I can not tell you how important this is! You need someone who will listen to you & have empathy for what you are experiencing instead of passing it off as you over-exaggerating or just being dramatic. I am so fortunate to have a very supportive husband, family, & friends. I also have a wonderful Christian counselor that is amazing. Anxiety disorders are very real ... it's not all in your head. You need someone you can reach out to.
* Go to the doctor!
I cannot stress this enough. If you had the flu, you would go to the doctor. If you broke a bone, you would seek medical treatment. Anxiety is a medical condition that can be treated. Anxiety disorders result from a chemical imbalance in the body. Many times, medication is needed to regulate those chemicals & get them back in balance. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness ... it is necessary.
* Journal
Journaling helped me a lot! At the end of everyday I would write a couple of sentences about how my day was ... was it an easy day, did I experience anxiety, just jot down my thoughts & feelings. At the end of a crummy day, I found it so helpful to be able to look back at all of the really good days I had ... and at the end of a relatively good day, it felt so good to be able to write down small victories!
* Read God's Word!
This made a huge difference for me. The Bible has hundreds of verses about anxiety! God's promises are true & knowing that His Word spoke to anxiety & fear gave me tremendous hope!
If you've read this far ... thanks for sticking with me! This is probably the LONGEST post I've ever written, but I felt like it was something that needed to be shared. If you or someone you know is experiencing problems with anxiety, I hope this will be helpful.
You are not alone & it will not always be this way ...
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